You are not being fully truthful to me when you use a solution to mask expressing your core needs – what you really require

Core needs are threatened by different situations. So, when an event happens it can be interpreted as a core need not being met.

Someone is angry with you   You feel rejected
You are criticised    You think you are no good, or unacceptable 
Someone ignores you   You feel no one cares about you 
You receive a complaint   You feel incompetent or blame yourself
Someone asks you to change   You feel insecure or frightened
Someone tells you they feel bad   You feel responsible for making them better
Someone notices your mistake   You feel like a failure or give up trying

And when these core needs are threatened then you are motivated to action. Either an action away from fear or towards pleasure.

You receive a complaint you feel incompetent or
blame yourself
So, you feel you deserve a beer

Someone might aim to run a business because their core need is validation that they are not a failure. Or they might aim to run a business because their core need is security financially or to support a family. So, when you look at your motivation, what are your core needs that you aim to address, and what are you aiming for.

These core needs are very important, as they also colour your emotions, your rules, your reactions and your actions. For example, the same situation could give two different reactions based on the core need that feels threatened:

Someone is angry with you   you feel rejected   So, you think that you deserve to be rejected
Someone is angry with you   you feel your significance threatened   So, you fight back (‘How dare they’)

(Adapted from Gillian Butler, Manage you Mind).

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Setting your Goals