You are not being fully truthful to me when you use a solution to mask expressing your core needs – what you really require
Core needs are threatened by different situations. So, when an event happens it can be interpreted as a core need not being met.
| Someone is angry with you |  |
You feel rejected |
| You are criticised | |
You think you are no good, or unacceptable |
| Someone ignores you | |
You feel no one cares about you |
| You receive a complaint | |
You feel incompetent or blame yourself |
| Someone asks you to change | |
You feel insecure or frightened |
| Someone tells you they feel bad | |
You feel responsible for making them better |
| Someone notices your mistake | |
You feel like a failure or give up trying |
And when these core needs are threatened then you are motivated to action. Either an action away from fear or towards pleasure.
| You receive a complaint | |
you feel incompetent or blame yourself |
|
So, you feel you deserve a beer |
Someone might aim to run a business because their core need is validation that they are not a failure. Or they might aim to run a business because their core need is security financially or to support a family. So, when you look at your motivation, what are your core needs that you aim to address, and what are you aiming for.
These core needs are very important, as they also colour your emotions, your rules, your reactions and your actions. For example, the same situation could give two different reactions based on the core need that feels threatened:
| Someone is angry with you | |
you feel rejected | |
So, you think that you deserve to be rejected |
| Someone is angry with you | |
you feel your significance threatened | |
So, you fight back (‘How dare they’) |
(Adapted from Gillian Butler, Manage you Mind).
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