There are several views about our core needs (e.g. Tony Robbins list of 6 core needs). Typically there seems to be between 5 and 7.
Core Need | Key Question | Examples | Where do I get that now |
Security | Who can I trust? | Spouse / Partner Work |
|
Identity | Who am I? | Accountant Lover |
|
Belonging | Who wants me?
|
Church Club Employer |
|
Purpose | Why am I alive?
|
As a mother Fund Raiser Employer |
|
Competence | What do I do well?
|
DIY Sport Singing |
|
Growth | What am I learning? Variety |
Hobby craft Dancing Night school Career Path |
|
Play |
What do I enjoy? |
This is quite high level, and often anger comes from when our core needs are not met or threatened. John Grey sees different priorities of needs for Men and Women:
John Grey in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus puts it as:
Men (from Mars) need:
1. Trust |
Women (from Venus) need:
1. Caring |
What are your top needs?
These are a list of primary or core needs from (Mike Fisher, Beating Anger). Which ones relate to you and any significant other. How do you/they react if they are threatened?
Your Top Needs
- Valued
- Safe
- Cared for
- Useful
- Belonging
- Loved
- Treated Fairly
- Accepted
- Significant
- Seen
- Heard
- Respected
- Trusted
- Treated Honestly
- Appreciated
- Acknowledged
- Held
- Touched
- Encouraged