When we think about discipline – we often think that punishment is the way to change behaviours. The harsher the punishment, the more the other will listen and learn.
Just think about it? Does that work for you. Which laws do you obey, and which do not?
In this book Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson give strategies for longer term teaching. That doesn’t make it ‘permissive’ but gets to the heart of behaviour change. These principles are useful for children, and also in adult relationships and the workplace.
The first step is to connect with the other person, and redirect the issue so they reduce their reactive response. It’s what police offices try to do with drunks on a Friday night, too.
The graphic below summarises this book.
For me, the key learnings were to work hard at connecting with my children and colleagues when there is a situation, recognise whether I am part of the problem (e.g. my anger), and then choosing the time to reflect and explore changes in behaviour later.