From the NLP Practitioner by Toby & Kate McCartney
Other ways we influence are by use of phrases and words. You might not be aware of people using them on you and then wondering why some people are able to get you to do things you don’t want to do. Using them to force someone else to do something they don’t want to do for your benefit – is manipulation. Knowing them gives you awareness and choice on how to react.
1. Tag Questions
A tag question added at the end of a statement invites agreement. They can be deliberate and very effective to distract the conscious mind with something to agree with.:
- This is easy, isn’t it?
- Your health is important, you know?
- You can, can’t you?
- It’s time to relax, don’t you know?
- That’s right
2. Embedded commands
These are constructed so they contain within them the outcome that you want:
- “I’m curious about whether you will learn to relax and let yourself be comfortable in a few moments”
- “What is interesting is when did you last learn so easily”
3. Double Binds
These give people choice but limit it. You give options assuming the result will happen:
- When will you clean up your clutter, before you’ve had lunch or after?
- Would you like to order it in blue or green?
These are useful when working with children to encourage them to do tasks/ homework / chores in the house.