Another element of identity is to think of the kind of person you want to be. Often, we are driven by ‘social norms’ the people we are with, and it can be difficult to break out of this and become the person you want to be. In fact, this is part of the phrase ‘it’s not what you know, but who you know’. That’s not just who can help you, but the people you mix with who set the social experience you feel. This is part of the reason why people who are thin or larger will fit together – it’s not just that birds of a feather flock together, but it sets a social norm in which to live.

Thus, to break out of this, having a role model – one or more persons or roles you wish to emulate will give you the identity to follow. All human beings are flawed, so take care not to idolise them, but they may have confidence, skills, a turn of phrase. or career path you want to follow. So, in the exercise below, choose someone and set that. For people of faith, it might be that they wish to follow the way and life of a particular saint or the habits of a leader like Jesus – even without a religious perspective.

 Step into your role model

 (McKenna, et al., 2006)

Think about someone you want to emulate
Think of a time they exhibited the skill you wanted to learn
Run through that memory and watch the performance
Float into their body, and be there: see, feel, hear
Now run through the performance and feel it as them
Repeat to get a strong sense of them
What are they doing well, that I can learn from?
How can I put that into practice in me?