Quite often when we talk, we make assumptions in the language we use. The meta-model allows us to see patterns in the language, and phrases to test those assumptions. If these patterns are used deliberately then they can be used to influence – so knowing how to challenge them allows the receiver the ability to reduce that influence.
|NLP Meta Model Pattern
|Examples you may hear
|Questions to gather more information
|I’ve been out
|Where have you specifically been?
What do you want help with?
|She annoyed me
|How specifically did she annoy you?
|Who says so and what are the facts?
|She’s better than I am
|Better than you?
|Our Relationship is not working
Change is Easy
|How do we not relate to each other?
Changing what is easy?
|I can’t … it’s not possible
|What stops you? Is that true?
|We have to do this … we should, ought to
|What would happen if we didn’t?
Who says we should?
|He never thinks about my feelings
We always do it this way
Every single time? What would happen if we did it differently?
|With a name like that, he must be popular
|How does having this name mean that he’s popular?
|You’re going to love this
|How do you know that?
|Cause and Effect
|His voice makes me angry
I made her feel awful
|How does his voice make you angry?
How exactly did you do that?
(Adapted from Toby & Kate McCartney)