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From Leil Lowndes, 2003. How to talk to anybody

Create hooks to remember it


  • "How do you spell your surname?"
  • "Where does your name come from?"
  • "What does it mean?"
  • Say the name 3 times and use it in the conversation
  • Create a picture of them and the name as a hook to remember
Write it down
  • Grab their business card, and write notes on them:
  • Favourite restaurant, family, film, sport and tiny details
  • Keep this information and add this to the notes on their contact details
Tombstone Gem


  • Ask someone what they would like on their tombstone and remember it
  • "What would you like carved on your tombstone"
  • Use those words as a compliment later
  • "What are you most proud of?"
  • "What would you like the world to most remember about you?
Decide whom to follow up with after the party

(Harvey, et al., 2016)

1. How do I respond to compliments?

  • "Thank you, I appreciate that"
  • "It's kind of you to say that"

2. How do I give compliments?

(Lowndes, How to Talk to Anyone)

We're more likely to repeat actions that others like, than to respond to criticism. If you want someone to change, catch them doing things right. ...continue reading "5 Tips on how to give compliments and express gratitude"

 Setting boundaries is an important element to deciding how we react to people. (Alasko, Say This, Not That) Building a healthy boundary system yields the following positive results:

  1. You’ll be able to tolerate your own anxiety and not allow it to push you into making life-changing decisions. You won’t say yes to things that work against your own best interests.
  2. You’ll more easily tolerate other people’s anxiety or pain when you need to slow them down—or stop something going on between you and them altogether.
  3. You won’t invade other people’s spaces and create stress in your relationships. That’s important, because stressful relationships don’t last—or if they do, they create chronic unhappiness.

...continue reading "Setting Boundaries"

(Arthur Aron, 1997)

Here are a set of questions that help build closeness and rapport for friends and couples to try. Each set of questions is at a deeper level. You can use this as an exercise – each person trying out questions in a set, or pepper the conversation with them. ...continue reading "36 Questions for Building Closeness"