Quite often when we talk, we make assumptions in the language we use. The meta-model allows us to see patterns in the language, and phrases to test those assumptions. If these patterns are used deliberately then they can be used to influence – so knowing how to challenge them allows the receiver the ability to reduce that influence.
| NLP Meta Model Pattern | Examples you may hear | Questions to gather more information | You | Partner |
| Simple Deletion | I’ve been out
Help! |
Where have you specifically been?
What do you want help with? |
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| Unspecified verbs | She annoyed me | How specifically did she annoy you? | ||
| Judgement | You’re Wrong | Who says so and what are the facts? | ||
| Comparison | She’s better than I am | Better than you? | o | o |
| Normalisation | Our Relationship is not working Change is Easy |
How do we not relate to each other?
Changing what is easy? |
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| Generalisation | ||||
| Possibilities | I can’t … it’s not possible | What stops you? Is that true? | ||
| Necessity | We have to do this … we should, ought to | What would happen if we didn’t?
Who says we should? |
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| Universal Quantifiers | He never thinks about my feelings
We always do it this way |
Never, ever?
Every single time? What would happen if we did it differently? |
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| Distortion | ||||
| Complex Equivalence | With a name like that, he must be popular | How does having this name mean that he’s popular? | ||
| Mind Reading | You’re going to love this | How do you know that?
Who says? |
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| Cause and Effect | His voice makes me angry
I made her feel awful |
How does his voice make you angry?
How exactly did you do that? |
Source Toby McCartney, the NLP Practitioner