Asking for Support

Firstly, telling the truth doesn’t mean you HAVE to tell anyone EVERYTHING. Discretion is knowing what and when to tell things. Tim Chester suggests:

  • Tell everyone you struggle; tell some people what you struggle with
  • Don’t tell if it excuses others or they can manipulate
  • Tell clearly what you’ve done in general. There’s no need to describe the details. Avoid the temptation to tell others something now and other things later – it’ll create mistrust in their mind. They’ll start to wonder what else you haven’t told them.

If you have done wrong, then consider the following on who to tell:

  • A secret sin (thought and mind) ask God (or examine your conscience)
  • A private sin (e.g. sexual) then ask forgiveness from the one you have sinned against
  • A public sin, then ask for a group’s forgiveness

What you may want from a support:

  1.  Giving accountability – asking specifically what’s happening
  2. Offering grace
    1. Not “you’ve been doing what!?”
    2. Not to pry but allow it to come out of the conversation but not the specifics
  3. Be accountable
    1. How’s God been speaking to you? (or what are you hearing from your conscience)
    2. What temptations have you faced & what sins do you need to tell to others?
    3. Have you struggled with your habits (e.g. porn, or sexual desire) or inappropriate behaviour?
    4. Have any relationships been spoilt by your pride, anger, selfishness, fear, or lack of forgiveness?

Types of Support you may need

Adapted from Valerie Gaus (Living Well on the Spectrum)

Emotional Support

  • Listening
  • Validating
  • Encouraging
  • Advising

Basic Daily Living Support

  • Meal Preparation
  • Living Space
  • Laundry
  • Housekeeping
  • Shopping
  • Transportation

Financial Support

  • Money Supply
  • Banking Details
  • Financial Management / Planning

    Health Support

  • Filling Prescriptions
  • Administrating medications
  • Making Appointments


  • Joining in
  • Arranging for activities
  • Paying for activities

    Resource Coordination

  • Research
  • Filling Applications
  • Telephoning

Asking for help

Here is a little technique for listening to emotions and determining you needs –  so that you can then ask for help (from Valerie Gaus)

I Feel Therefore, I need
  • Angry
  • Unappreciated
  • Exhausted
  • Happy
  • Pressured
  • Impatient
  • Productive
  • Frustrated
  • Irritable
  • Undervalued
  • Anxious
  • Bored
  • Motivated
  • Focused
  • Overwhelmed
  • Excited
  • Successful
  •  Disappointed
  • To be listened to
  • No interruptions
  • Time alone
  • Nourishment
  • To talk
  • More support
  • To assert myself
  • To set some limits
  • To take a break
  • Solutions
  • To listen
  • To have fun
  • To laugh
  • To be patient
  • To calm down
  • To stop and think
  •  To take a deep breath


Building Your Team