Building a Personal Contract

Getting commitment to change can come from making a clear and visible agreement to change. In fact committing to others is a proven technique to improve the chances of making a change

If you are making a contract – assume it is to yourself, and with the support of others, rather than pleasing other people. Your supporters can guide you to make it your own and help get back on track if there are stumbles rather than codify a set of rules with the aim to catch you out. If you own your contract then it is more likely to happen. It can be in several stages – built up over time. If someone imposes a contract on the other person – it can stir up childhood pains.

For the person in the issue:

  1.  Make a conscious decision to stop
  2. Put the effort for yourself – not others
  3. Know it’s going nowhere
  4. Let go of the control it has on your
  5. A slip is a slip – not failure

Two good structures for testing the quality and completeness of the promises (John Whitmore)

 Positively Stated






Environmentally Sound

Agreed with Others



I Promise … I will …

NOTE: “Contracts should be used cautiously with people that self-injure. Unless mutually agreed between the client and the counsellor, they rarely work, and can lead to shame, and dishonesty on the part of the client.”  (Tracy Alderman)