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A Little Help from My Friends

One reason you may be reading this site is to help a friend or seeking help from your friends. We often have clever ideas on what to do, but there are a complete set of myths about how to help. The first is that there is one right way to help. In fact, everyone is different. We are motivated differently, and many of the ways we help are self-defeating.

What we can do is understand the options we have available and build a plan for change. 

Michael Cusick identifies three types of help from friends and accountability:

 Cop Accountability

Sets Limits and punishes if missed

  • It creates a shame culture
  • It creates deception and lies
  • It creates failure:
  • Failure to meet standards and reinforces core beliefs or pride because you’ve mastered a sin

Coach Accountability

Instructor, trainer, coach

  • It gives encouragement and an environment to try harder

Cardiologist Accountability

It looks not just our behaviour but the question behind the question behind the question

It explores:

  • What lies we are telling ourselves
  • What are our stories
  • Helps expose hiddenness
  • It acknowledges brokenness

How you can help

  1. Confrontation isn't the only answer
  2. We Cannot Control or Changes Others
  3. Avoid the Drama Triangle
  4. Giving Support that Works
  5. Asking for Support
  6. Building your team
  7. Building your Personal Contract